Starting Over

You know, Sister Paula, knew what she was saying when she talked about the difficulty of expressing spiritual experiences. I feel like I've just gone through a major change and, while things aren't going to get EASY any time soon ("If life were easy, it wouldn't be hard"), I'm going to be okay, and all I can think to say is: PRAYER IS GOOD!!!

But you know, there's a lot of truth in that simple sentance.

Isn't it amazing that the creater of worlds, father of billions, cares what each one of his children has to say and is willing -- not only willing, but eager -- to hear what we have to say? As I prayed to-day I was certain there was someone listening. It felt as though there was someone in the room with me, that I was not alone.

And that is amazing too. We are NOT alone. I don't have to go through ANYTHING by myself. Do you know how grateful I am for that? I think living in Saratoga Springs, away from everyone and everything I'm used to, has opened my eyes to a lot of things. I've realized how important it is to me to be able to call my mother every day -- and sometimes I don't even have anything to say. Sometimes all it is is "I need a new episode of Eureka." But just being able to do that little thing means the world to me. Suddenly I realize how important it is for me to be able to e-mail my dad -- to be able to send stupid cat pictures and quote deep thoughts about sunscreen to each other. I realize how much he helps me through the little, silly things that mean so much (ah, man, I'm crying again....)
And now I realize how much it means to be able to talk to my Father in Heaven at any time. Sometimes it's just little things, like, "I really need to find my planner." Sometimes it's big things like, "Please help my friend in her times of trouble." or "Please let my brother know how much we love him, regardless." Having Him listen means EVERYTHING.

His love is so strong. He sent his SON to die for us, to suffer for us, so that we could have mercy. Without Jesus, there would be no point for us to be here, because we'd never be able to make it back. None of us are good enough without help.

That's all I was praying for: help. Well, and understanding. I don't know why I'm here or what I'm supposed to be doing (though I did figure out that watching every episode of Eureka, Psych, I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, AND Leave it to Beaver in one week was not it...), but whatever it is I KNOW I can't do it by myself. But I don't have to. I don't even have to know what it is. Someone else does. And I think He'll let me know when the time is right.

Sometimes I think we take the church for granted. Sometimes we forget how important the gospel is. Sometimes we forget that we have the spirit. We're like the fish who says, "Water? What water? I don't see any water."
Let us not forget! For we would be nowhere without the power of the gospel -- but we can go so far with it.

♥Captain Whitney

I tremble to know that for me he was crucified, that for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled, and died. Oh it is wonderful that he should care for me enough to die for me. Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me.